This Girl needed the rain

I love the rain, it speaks to my soul.

It is why I live in the pacific northwest. When others are droning on that it has rained too long and are wishing for the sunny days of summer, I am still relishing the drizzling grey days. The days that darken early and awaken late. The days when the sun is merely a shadow of illumination, those are my days. The fall is my season. November is my month. Days spent with a hot cup of coffee, evenings spent with a book, a dog and a drink.

I can feel with a calm clarity and I can tell you waking up this morning and smelling the rain and hearing it pitter patter on the leaves of the rhododendron outside my window I felt like I was finally able to breath.

Quick recap for those of you just tuning in.
After twelve years of marriage and two months after the birth of our third 'Dick' met another woman and decided he'd rather dick around with her. So my three beautiful girls and I moved in with my parents and I filed for divorce.

In a new twist of events Dick has decided since our third baby has dark brown hair, in contrast to the other two who have blond curly hair, that I must have cheated on him and he wants a paternity test. I acutally laughed. Loudly.

Which is a far better response than brooding for two weeks over the comment that our girls need a strong female role model and his new girlfriend fits that description. I spent two therapy sessions on that.

After that he was genuinely shocked that I would have a problem if his girlfriend attended some deeply personal family events next week.

It is the spreading of my beloved mother in laws ashes. My sister in law is flying up with her family from California and it is going to be very emotional for us all.
In fact, Dick has no balls as he had not yet told his sister that we were divorcing and she sent me a very cheerful 'cant wait to see you' text with all kinds of excited emojis and hearts. So I had to tell her, via text. Something that infuriated me. He said he was going to tell her, but again, no balls. He, of course, has said he would do lots of things, like pay off the credit card that has tens of thousands dollars on it.

It was the rain, this morning that helped me keep my sanity. It reminded me that fall is coming.
 My season.
It reminded me that I will be okay, I will move on. I will rebuild my life.


Anyway, I'll keep this post short since next week will, I am sure, be long winded and very emotional. Thanks for hanging in there with me.