8 Gifts For Your Ex

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8 Gifts For Your Ex 

We all have that ex that deserves these gifts 

I still have a hard time with my ex. If we didn't the girls it would have been a lot easier to walk away and never look back. But I still have to see him for the limited times (of his choosing) he wants to see the girls, which means occasionally I get dragged back into his bullshit. 

For example: The Whore (the 21 year old girl that my ex had sex with while I was pregnant with our third) is a religious church goer. In order to complete his manipulation Dick (my ex, for lack of wanting to use his real name) must attend church, play along and submit her on all sides. 

This isn't bitter me talking, this is years of experience and now reflection as I realize how he submitted me. He's using the same tactics. 

Now, I am not a church goer. I am not particularly religious and I am definitely not Christian. But going to children's church has become very important to my daughters. So when the parenting plan changed and I started having the girls more on the weekend, I knew that I would be taking them to church. 

I know that I could have chosen to take the girls to a different church so that I wouldn't have to see Dick, but that would be selfish. The girls like their children's church and they have established relationships with the people there, who are good people.

 I'll admit that I am annoyed that I would be seeing Dick more than I absolutely had to, it is what was best for the girls, so that is just what I did. 

Now we have been going to church for about two months now with little issue, until two Sundays ago. Two Sunday's ago Dick did the absolutely worst thing that he could ever do to his girls. 

The church is a big church and there are people directing parking so I didn't really have a choice on where I parked, I just followed the people pointing. Also, I didn't recognize his Dick's Charger, (because when you are planning on a forth and fifth child the car you need is a brand new Charger) so I didn't even realize that we were parking next to him until the girls started screaming for daddy. 

I looked. He looked. We made eye contact and he walked away. His girls were screaming for him to come back and instead he put his arm around the Whore and walked away. 

There was a frantic getting out of the the car and going after them. The girls wanted to see him, give him a hug, you know, what kids do. But by the time we got into the church he was no where to be found, we hunted for a little bit and couldn't find him. I told the girls we would look for him after church. But I could already see they were heart broken. 

After church my sister and I hunted for him, spotted him and ran after him but through the crowd by the time we caught up he was out of the church and in his car pulling away. 

How awful is that? He walked away from his kids. 

He later told my dad (they work together, my poor dad) that it was awkward and he didn't know what to do, so he walked away. 

Do you call bullshit? I called total bullshit. 

Anyway it's things like that fan the flames of my anger toward him from time to time. 

I deal with it by maintaining a list of products that, if I had all the money in the world, I would send him on a regular basis. 

Here they are:

1. The Douchie Award 

Because a grade 'A' douche deserves an award. 

2. You're Not That Special by J. M. Weldon

This one seems fairly self explanatory.

3. She Comes First by Ian Kerner

There are a lot of things in this book that Dick could learn from. A. LOT. 

4. Penis Enlarger 

Heheheheheheheh...yeah...

5. Wrinkle Cream, For Men

Because Dick is a narcissist and narcissist are vain as fuck. 

 6. Odor Eliminator 

Seem odd? Well not after you get a powerful whiff of Dick's cologne from twenty yards away. It takes two baths and the sanitizing setting on the wash machine to get it off the girls and their clothes. 

I am not even exaggerating. 

7. A Card

It's just proper manners to send a card with a gift.

8. Wrapping paper

All gifts should be appropriately wrapped. 

What a cathartic exercise, keeping a list of gifts for the people in our lives.   Use my list, create your own, or whatever. It's the little things that make the victim of narcissists feel better.