8 Gifts For Your Ex

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8 Gifts For Your Ex 

We all have that ex that deserves these gifts 

I still have a hard time with my ex. If we didn't the girls it would have been a lot easier to walk away and never look back. But I still have to see him for the limited times (of his choosing) he wants to see the girls, which means occasionally I get dragged back into his bullshit. 

For example: The Whore (the 21 year old girl that my ex had sex with while I was pregnant with our third) is a religious church goer. In order to complete his manipulation Dick (my ex, for lack of wanting to use his real name) must attend church, play along and submit her on all sides. 

This isn't bitter me talking, this is years of experience and now reflection as I realize how he submitted me. He's using the same tactics. 

Now, I am not a church goer. I am not particularly religious and I am definitely not Christian. But going to children's church has become very important to my daughters. So when the parenting plan changed and I started having the girls more on the weekend, I knew that I would be taking them to church. 

I know that I could have chosen to take the girls to a different church so that I wouldn't have to see Dick, but that would be selfish. The girls like their children's church and they have established relationships with the people there, who are good people.

 I'll admit that I am annoyed that I would be seeing Dick more than I absolutely had to, it is what was best for the girls, so that is just what I did. 

Now we have been going to church for about two months now with little issue, until two Sundays ago. Two Sunday's ago Dick did the absolutely worst thing that he could ever do to his girls. 

The church is a big church and there are people directing parking so I didn't really have a choice on where I parked, I just followed the people pointing. Also, I didn't recognize his Dick's Charger, (because when you are planning on a forth and fifth child the car you need is a brand new Charger) so I didn't even realize that we were parking next to him until the girls started screaming for daddy. 

I looked. He looked. We made eye contact and he walked away. His girls were screaming for him to come back and instead he put his arm around the Whore and walked away. 

There was a frantic getting out of the the car and going after them. The girls wanted to see him, give him a hug, you know, what kids do. But by the time we got into the church he was no where to be found, we hunted for a little bit and couldn't find him. I told the girls we would look for him after church. But I could already see they were heart broken. 

After church my sister and I hunted for him, spotted him and ran after him but through the crowd by the time we caught up he was out of the church and in his car pulling away. 

How awful is that? He walked away from his kids. 

He later told my dad (they work together, my poor dad) that it was awkward and he didn't know what to do, so he walked away. 

Do you call bullshit? I called total bullshit. 

Anyway it's things like that fan the flames of my anger toward him from time to time. 

I deal with it by maintaining a list of products that, if I had all the money in the world, I would send him on a regular basis. 

Here they are:

1. The Douchie Award 

Because a grade 'A' douche deserves an award. 

2. You're Not That Special by J. M. Weldon

This one seems fairly self explanatory.

3. She Comes First by Ian Kerner

There are a lot of things in this book that Dick could learn from. A. LOT. 

4. Penis Enlarger 

Heheheheheheheh...yeah...

5. Wrinkle Cream, For Men

Because Dick is a narcissist and narcissist are vain as fuck. 

 6. Odor Eliminator 

Seem odd? Well not after you get a powerful whiff of Dick's cologne from twenty yards away. It takes two baths and the sanitizing setting on the wash machine to get it off the girls and their clothes. 

I am not even exaggerating. 

7. A Card

It's just proper manners to send a card with a gift.

8. Wrapping paper

All gifts should be appropriately wrapped. 

What a cathartic exercise, keeping a list of gifts for the people in our lives.   Use my list, create your own, or whatever. It's the little things that make the victim of narcissists feel better. 

My Top 3 New Releases in Fantasy for March 2017

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My Top 3 New Releases in Fantasy for March 2017

I love to read. I love the little escape I get from a good book. But with three kids I don't often have enough time to read. Like Most people I have a stack of books on my bedside table that have a fine layer of dust on them. 

And then I torture myself by subscribing to new release news letters and that stack on my bedside table gets taller and taller. So I switched to a kindle and now my book list is digital and doesn't look nearly as big when they are compressed little flies. 

Despite my lack of time and my growing list I still lust after a good story. 

Here are my top three 'I wish I could read now' new releases in Fantasy, cause who doesn't love a good Fantasy? 

1. Agents of Dreamland by Caitlin R. Kiernan 

This looks like a trippy ride with government agents, cult leaders, strange objects orbiting beyond Pluto and a woman out of time. With a bottle of wine, this is the kind of book that I would stay up all night to read.

2. Bane and Shadow by  Jon Skovron 

Assassins, criminal underworlds, pirates, biomancers, and boy and girl struggle to accept their new roles in the world.

I am actually really excited about this one...but...

2 1/2. Hope and Red by Jon Skovron

...before you read Bone and Shadow, you should probably read the first book, Hope and Red.

This post was supposed to be about new releases which is why I included Bone and Shadow first since it is the newest release and I got sucked into the plot. But it's always best to read the first book in the series.

Hope and Red come from two different underworlds form an unlikely alliance and go on a wild ride.

So, to recap: Hope and Red first, then Shadow and Bone.

3. The Valiant by Lesley Livingston 

  

A young girl named Fallon tries earn her place in the footsteps of her warrior sister and take revenge on Julius Caesar, but things don't really work out for her and she must rely on her sworn enemies to survive. Interesting...no?

15 Trader Joe Products You Can Buy on Amazon

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15 Trader Joe Products You Can Buy on Amazon

I love love love Trader Joe's. Love. 

Okay, well  I don't particularly love the parking lot, but I guess I cant have everything in life. *sigh*  

Now we Trader Joe's peeps know that the best stuff comes and go. We wait all year for our favorite seasonal products and gorge ourselves on them until they are gone and then we sit on the floor and lament end of the season...or is that just me? 

Okay, lets forget that I said that. 

Moving on. This past winter I fell in love with Trader Joe's Chocolate Mint Tea. In love. Seriously. I'm changing my status to 'It's Complicated.'  But now the season is over and it's gone. ALL GONE!

What was I going to do? I started going through with drawls and I knew that I needed to find another source. 

So where do I turn for all my online shopping needs? Amazon! Of course! 

And low and behold what did I find? Not just my beloved tea, but tons of other Trader Joe's products that I also have questionable relationships with.

1. Chocolate Mint Flavored Tea

I have tried other chocolate tea, nothing compares, nothing. 
This is the best, very best.

2. Cookie Butter 

Cookie Butter! It's Cookie Butter! (shhh, don't tell chocolate tea...) 

Is there any other product that has such a cult following?
No.

Don't even try Nutella. 

3. Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

Um, yum. 

4. Coconut Oil

By far the best coconut oil that I have ever had.

5. Tomato & Roasted Red Pepper Soup

I like the adult flare that the red pepper provides when I am dunking my grilled cheese in it.

6. Freeze Dried Fruit

These are great for the kids. 

I particularly like to take them camping.

7.  Triple Ginger Snaps

There are times when I pretend that I am a sophisticated adult and I make myself a cup of real tea and cookies. I like the Ginger Snaps cause they complete the illusion. Also, tasty.

8. Jo Jo's

Because they are Jo Jo's, what other reason do you need?

9. Cookie Butter Variety Pack

I'm drooling, are you drooling?

10. Dunkers

I get these for the kids...yeah that's right, the kids.

11. Cold Brew

Back when I could drink coffee, this was my summer love.

12. Bacon Jam

What could possibly be more awesome than bacon jam?

13.  Irish Breakfast Black Tea

This another one of my favorite teas, in fact, I am drinking some now.

14. Vanilla & Cinnamon Black Tea

Um, delicious.

15. Trek Mix

The perfect snack for the kids who cant slow their roll. 


Bless Trader Joe's for their existence and Amazon for keeping me stocked year round. 

9 Must Haves for Parents of Toddlers

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9 Must Haves for Parents of Toddlers 

Because Toddlers, am I Right?

I've been a mom for a while now and I can tell you that I am absolutely not an expert in any way. Parenting is hard. Being a stay at home is harder. And well, being a single mom hasn't been all sunshine and unicorn poop.

There are lots of gadgets and gizmos out there for parents to help make life a little easier. But a lot of those are uni-taskers, and when I see uni-tasker I see clutter and I am getting rid of all of my clutter. 

But there are some things that make life a little easier.

 9 of them in fact.

1. The great and mighty pouches!

These are fantastic for the parent and kid on the go! They are mostly mess free (show me a toddler that is 100% mess free and I'll show you a leprechaun and a flying pig taking a bath,) and they even come in a variety of meal pouches for the days when lunch just didn't happen the way you wanted. 

For those of you who are on the ball and want to make your own they even make reusable pouches. I've had the reusable kind, but I just couldn't keep up with the consumption rate of two toddlers. 

  

Experience the greatness that is the pouch!

2. Popup Tents 

Toddlers have two modes. All over you or they pretend not to know you.  They either want to be in your lap soaking up all the love and attention you have to give, and then a bit more. Or they are playing so hard they forget that you told them it is time to clean up. 

I work from home and I love toys that entertain the girls without my involvement and inspires their creativity and imagination. For these few short hours I can a ton of work done and spend the rest of the day with my girls. The one consistent thing I can bring out is the popup tents. I love them. 

Want your toddler to give you a break while you clean or better yet, sip a hot cup of tea? (I cant drink coffee, I love coffee, but coffee doesn't love me) Unpop one of these babies and they'll forget all about you. 

This are little indoor/outdoor sanity savers.

3. Humidifier 

Yup, toddlers are like lint rollers for germs. The snot is always flowing, someone always has a cough and they are still going like the little engine that could. 

Humidifiers are a must have item. Cant give the little ones cough syrup so you are pretty much left with a humidifier. (except for my secret night time cough fighting weapon. See 4)

Sleep for everyone is crucial. Humidifiers keep the mucus moist and the coughs away. If you don't have one, seriously, get one. I have two. The key to selecting a humidifier is one that has a big enough tank to get through the night. 

Moist mucus, that's part one of my two fold method for good sleeps for all. Moist mucus. 

4. Baby Rub

No, I am not recommending your favorite spice rub. That's just silly. 

Baby rub for colds is part two of my method for good sleeps. Every one knows that you rub it on their chests, right? 

What if I told you miracles would happen if you rubbed it on their feet? Miracles, I tell you, miracles!

Rub a little bit on their feet and put socks on and sweet sleeps will be had by all. 

I have absolutely no idea why, but this works. A nurse friend tried to explain it to me and all I got out of that was, because science. 

If there is only two things you get from this list, get the humidifier and the rub. When everyone get good sleeps, better mornings are ahead. 

5. Tablets, because quiet time is important

We don't use tablets all that often but I love them for long car rides.but you can use it for whatever you need. 

I love it because, like I said, quiet time is is important. There are lots to chose from depending on age and destructiveness of your toddler.  

6. Camel Back Water Bottles 

Hydration, hydration, hydration!

I only have camel back water bottles. They are durable and DISHWASHER SAFE! If it's not dishwasher safe, I don't want it.  It's absolutely necessary that all things are dishwasher safe. 

The Camel Back water bottles come in lots of styles to accommodate all the different personalities and passions your toddler possess. Because toddlers are tiny packages bursting with personality.

7. Ozark Trail, cause you like it hot! *(wink)*

I drink tea. Lots and lots of tea. I am constantly making a cup of tea and then one of the little bits needs something and low and behold when I find my tea several hours later its cold. And that makes me a sad momma. 

Then I got an Ozark Trail Tumbler for Christmas and it changed my life. 

I can make my tea in my tumbler and forget about it, come back several hours and it's still HOT! I am not lying. HOT tea three hours after I forgot about it. And for you iced drinkers out there. Same story, except your drink will still have ice in it. 

It's amazing, get one.

8. Wipes, Because Boogers

Just like kids collect germs, they also like to leave them in all kinds of places. Remotes, door handles, tables, all over the fridge, all over you. Everywhere. 

I keep a healthy stock of these wipes around to clean up snot, squished food, potty accidents and more. These are a grab and go item for me. Someone is always making a mess and this is how I keep up. 

9. Alcohol

You have your drink, I have mine. Whiskey in my tea in the winter and red wine in the summer. 

Taking care of toddlers all day is exhausting and we all need a break. Pour yourself a glass of something nice and kick back. Take a deep breath, change the Netflix from Princess Sofia to something a little more adult..like Supernatural. 

Okay folks, now you are ready with essential must have items to parent toddlers. I wish you luck and god speed. 

I'm baaaaack!

Hello world! I have returned!

It's been a crazy year for me and I had to take a break from blogging to get a few things in order.
The divorce is final and we have moved on. Yay!

Here's an update:
The divorce is final. Yay! (repeated twice for emphasis.) The bastard married his mistress and make my girls call her mommy...so there are still some residual issues for me there.
I mean, who does that? Bastards, I guess. While it is the gasoline on the fire that is my bitterness, there is nothing that I can do to change that.

Moving on.

Last summer my thyroid tanked and I began to gain weight and suffer from an unprecedented energy drain. I could barely get through the day. I couldn't take care of my house, myself and reserved all of my energy in care for my girls. It is a devastating way to live. But thanks to the care of my doctor my thyroid is back where is should be and he is closely monitoring me.

So now I am clawing my way back from the bottom of the barrel and there is a bright shiny light up there!
Look! There's me dancing my way back on to the world scene!

Anyway, I'll keep this one short. I've got a lot to say and some time to do it in. Keep checking back for updates on my new adventures. 

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